When your calling keeps calling

I’ve always found myself pondering these questions: What should I do with my life? What is my purpose?

I often felt stuck or overwhelmed. I’d start something and, before finishing, move on to the next idea or project. I still haven’t found the key to sticking with a plan and completing what I start. Perhaps it’s because I was asking the wrong questions or ignoring my inner calling and the answers I kept giving myself.

Today, like any other Monday, I struggled to focus and get on with my day. So, I decided to review the notebooks I’ve been filling for the past two years, at least. I discovered a common thread and a pattern in my ideas. It was eye-opening because it became clear that if I had adhered to my plans or turned my ideas into concrete strategies, I would be much further along. But I won’t beat myself up over it. I suppose I wasn’t ready, got distracted, or let my inner critic hold me back. Today, I feel that I don’t want to waste another year merely jotting down ideas without taking action. It’s pointless and rather disheartening – squandering my time, opportunities, and talents, all because I allowed my ego to interfere.

I realized that instead of creating from the perspective of the small person my ego wants me to be, I will start acting, speaking, and writing as if I am already doing the things I aspire to do. It’s a bit of „fake it till you make it,” but in a more authentic way. I’ve said „enough is enough” so many times, but this time it’s for real. How much longer will I wait for the right moment? The calling is there, persistently urging me on because I keep revisiting my old ideas. The only thing missing is me actually taking action!

To be honest, I don’t feel like writing today, but I’m doing it to uphold the promise and challenge I set for myself. I know myself well enough to realize that if I let my routine slip more than twice, I’ll easily give up. I don’t want that to happen. I’ve managed to practice yoga every day, so I aim to write at least five days a week to build this new habit.

I can see that one article is better than the other, and that’s the point. I’m continuously learning to write, scraping the rust off my fingers and heart. I might revisit this blog post as the subject is important, but just not today. Nevertheless, anything is better than nothing when trying to establish a new habit. So, I’m pleased that I disciplined myself to sit in front of the monitor and write at least 500 words – it’s good enough. I could have sat in front of the TV, but I know I’d regret it tomorrow.

Uparta i niecierpliwa introwertyczka. Jednego dnia tryska radoscia, drugiego dnia rozczula sie nad soba. Wulkan sprzecznosci. Na swoim blogu probuje znalezc odpowiedzi na pytania "Jak byc soba?", "Czym jest milosc?" i "Jak sie w zyciu ogarnac?"

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